http://effderck.multiply.com/ Thu, 8 May 2008 00:45:29 -0000 Wed, 7 May 2008 22:27:52 -0000 http://images.effderck.multiply.com/logo http://effderck.multiply.com 100 100 I could write I guess, but credits go to those who make me feel enough to be able to do so. You just wonder about the unerring sense of it all. Most of us are looking for a place to belong. Somewhere where we matter and where our existence counts. It's funny how it all clicks into place one day. The geek gets it all. When the woman wants a man of substance and realizes how superficial all of the run around is. When she's has gotten so hurt and mangled she's learned about life and the unmitigated thorn forest it is. She finally gets it. Looks at you with kinder eyes. Listens to what you have to say and finds out that she's in touch with what you have to say and how you view life. What holds value. Of permanence and love that quakes the earth. Of truth and of souls. Of the need to dispense with the masks and know. Finally in the geeks arms. Then in his bespectacled glory he thinks. Yes finally. Then looks again at the mangled soul beside him and shakes his head. Why? Why... http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/210/Credits Wed, 7 May 2008 22:27:52 -0000 Got a call a couple of minutes back. The conversation was good; better than what we had the last few months. Yes it was a bit disorienting but it was a moment too, of moving past crossroads. I was happy for her really. My erstwhile good buddy gal pal hug mate turned girlfriend and then ex was leaving the country. Tying the knot too. Surprising how things turn so quickly when you're not looking. The break-up to be frank was one of the tattered kind, like a blanket shot full of holes. So I am happy for her, regardless of her reasons. The land of milk and honey may just be what she needs, to just let her free soul rest a bit. Wishing you all the best Litton. My heart always has a space for you, however we ended up. I am sorry for any hurt I may have caused. See you again someday I guess. http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/209/The_Doors_Marked_Farewell Wed, 13 Feb 2008 15:46:36 -0000 There are roads. Then there are roads. The journey begins regardless. Ends as well. Although we do not really know whether it is either, we can be sure it isn't neither. There is always something afoot and something which is invariably bigger than us. Why? So we do not really get to become so jaded maybe. That we get to keep that which makes us human. Able to nod at the sunrise and say, "Yes. There is hope. Maybe we'll make it through." This after facing your ghosts of whatever past and present. To finally duel and grapple with them, to find the courage to tangle and fight to overcome. To wait with bated breath for the sunset. To win and leave all the ghosts in the dark to forever wander, unable the find the road to your heart and allowing you to let go of your hate. There is wailing and loss as a door closes and dear one departs. You find it hard to believe. To hope. To look life in the eye and scream, "Do your worst". Give it time. It will heal whether you want it to or... http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/208/Cigarette_Smoke_and_a_Long_Deep_Drag_While_Sitting_on_a_Cold_Pavementon_a_Foggy_Midmorning Wed, 6 Feb 2008 21:26:22 -0000 There is one such, but not to be found in maps. It is the aggregate of all stones thrown in screaming spots and all those thrown with overwrought blinding emotion. It may sit around four to five people comfortably or may conveniently accommodate one wailing individual draped across it. No maps, yet sort of like the Room of Requirement in the tales told by J.K. Rowling. The appearance is willed based on need. At times it may be just yourself or there may be some folks with you. You never hear them though although you see them and may touch; you never see their lips, and never hear what they say. Only your eyes give a hint of the stones you yourself may carry for touch is a nonexistent sense as well. There you are like ships passing in the night, there yet not in the same time. I came back from the stone of lamentation just a while back. I was there alone which was maybe a good thing. My mind knew as I traced the soft obsidian, my tears were there within, my hate, my longin... http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/207/The_Crying_Stone_of_Twilight Wed, 9 Jan 2008 20:25:48 -0000 Then you wake up. To a sullen, sulking angel. Still beside you. Yet fraught with turbulence and emotions. Calm on the outside, choking her underneath the surface. Then the words come out and she starts to pour her heart out steadily building in intensity. You know it's coming. You know the words. You feel it arriving and you know it's going to be one painful and whacked ride. You know it because most of it is the truth. Except for the truth that you will be there in the end. How can you say that? How? When the deck is stacked against you. Everyone in the universe says so. You realize then. After all of this, you still are alone. With her, yes. Ultimately alone. It ends there, where it started. The chasm you look at more imposing now than it ever was. You try to box yourself up and weep inside. The hand that touches you is there, yet the souls are miles apart. There is no solace, as you have no one with you really. No one stands by you. No one trusts you. No one willing en... http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/206/As_Your_Eyes_Open Wed, 9 Jan 2008 15:56:51 -0000 So the days and the winding roads brings the little rabbit here. Mostly of its own making. The fates are not to be called in as a party now. Maybe not ever. It looks at its hands and smell blood. The blood of dreams and the marrow of the future. Broken. Beyond recognition. The dance ends. Without a bow. Maimed and hurt, crawling to the outside. On to unlit highways. Cold asphalt and speeding tires with headlights unattached. Hit. Thrown. Torn asunder. Bleeding. Broken. Laughing. Sobbing. Blood stricken face. Tears? Or stigmata? Does it matter? No. Should it? No. Again. To crawl. To hope. To seek. Lights flash. High beam. Low beam. High beam. Low beam. Close your eyes and smile. As the Eurythmics croon, "Here comes the rain again". Impact. Sailing. Airborne. Launched. The crash. rebounding on the ground. A pebble rippling on the surface of the water. Skipping. Skidding. The body on cold black asphalt. Marionette. Pinocchio. Writhes. On strings. A smile. A tear. A spot on ... http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/205/The_Little_Rabbit_The_Highway_Unlit_and_Breakneck_Speeds Mon, 7 Jan 2008 15:34:00 -0000 There is a whine of a small motor's introduction to life. A series of electrical sounds, a whirl, the sound of disc plates rotating. A single short buzz. We have a reboot. http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/204/Version_1.0 Wed, 12 Dec 2007 16:47:40 -0000 So I look around and hey, it's barely a week to the day I got shot out of a cannon and borne into the planet. Two weeks until Christmas. Three until a new Happy New Year. Bend over and take it up the gazoo wilya?<br> <br> Here's the Lowdown:<br> <ul> <li>No Thanks. I know, I know. I ought to be thankful right? Bite me.</li> <li>So there are children hungry somewhere. Welcome to the club.</li> <li>There are those who are in some sort of crisis/crises. Again, welcome to the club.<br> </li> <li>There are people who lost everything. Hahaha! Grand slam! <br> </li> <li>There are people who died. So hey take me already!<br> </li> </ul> <pre class="moz-signature" cols="72"> </pre> http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/203/And_A_Merry_Fcking_Christmas_To_Everyone Tue, 11 Dec 2007 16:22:21 -0000 Tailspin. Slowly worsening.On all conceivable fronts. I know I am <BR>excellent in these times, somehow I lack the will. It is there, I just <BR>need to dig deep and find my reasons.I don't want to be saved or need to <BR>be saved. I would have to find my reasons and my truths. Like I did <BR>before. No blame and no worries. I still remember to breathe. I was <BR>right in thinking I was about to do a hard reset on my life. But this <BR>was done on completely different foundations.<BR><BR>Much to my surprise, there was someone who stepped in today. Against the <BR>tide and against all and sundry. This was 2005. In reverse. Now I am at <BR>the receiving end. Funny how life takes you places you thought you knew <BR>already. I write this mainly for you. To say thank you and to show my <BR>appreciation. Although we both know it is I who saves myself, the <BR>thought is most precious now. I wanted to remain quiet and let this pass <BR>like all else when these things happen. I believed I was mostly to blame <BR>anyway. With the amount of half brained ... http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/202/Fawkes_Path Mon, 26 Nov 2007 17:12:02 -0000 Ivy is on her deathbed and Matt - well Matt is lost. Lost his soul rather. There's an inscription etched in the red soil at Mt. Carmel that is slowly fading as the rains wash it away and a figure walks to his car: "Always the dreamer, always the diversion. Always within reach yet always discarded. The worst thing for anyone in any lifetime. Matt De Leon." Afternoon At Where It Leads To You by M.A. Martin I got lost and somehow, I got found driving in an overcast morning in the pouring rain saw myself standing - on soaked ground wishing I can hold this pain Eighteen steps to the fenced off door Twenty two acts before I'm rid of it all. Bereft. I walk away, my back to you and forever more the beat a fading echo. As I have left, my heart, my soul, my dreams complete. On the curb that leads to your street. http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/201/The_Last_Entry Tue, 20 Nov 2007 14:54:39 -0000 An advocacy event campaigning to stop the wanton killings of journalists and activists. Join us at the following branches: Roxas Boulevard- November 14, featuring Pido, Paolo Santos and Color It Redd Ortigas- November 28, featuring Pido with Paolo Santos, Up Dharma Down and True Faith Tickets are at P150 with free drink (Iced Tea, Softdrink or Beer) http://effderck.multiply.com/calendar/item/10005/Never_Again_Stop_The_Killing_Bar_Tour Wed, 8 Nov 2006 09:54:42 -0000 featuring Escape on November 8, 2006. Sponsored by San Miguel Beer, GSM Premium, Smirnoff Ice, Johnnie Walker Black, Jose Cuervo Tequila, Vodka Ice. Party starts at 8:30PM http://effderck.multiply.com/calendar/item/10003/Pier_One_and_Grill_Roxas_Boulevards_3rd_Anniversary Wed, 8 Nov 2006 09:51:26 -0000 SM Megamall (11/03-16) SM North Edsa (11/09-12/03) SM Mall of Asia (11/16-11/29) Absolutely Zero% on your BDO http://effderck.multiply.com/calendar/item/10002/Silicon_Valley_Gizmos_Galore Sun, 5 Nov 2006 01:41:10 -0000 http://effderck.multiply.com/calendar/item/10001/NU_107_Rock_Awards Fri, 3 Nov 2006 09:24:17 -0000 My daughter Paulinne's 11th http://effderck.multiply.com/calendar/item/1/Bithday_Bash Sun, 20 Mar 2005 15:00:45 -0000 sway thee not borne out of lock<BR>steadfast, though you be<BR>far removed from your flock<BR>for on whose account do you appear<BR>but your own<BR>dispossed of anyone dear<BR>stout of heart you solitary soul<BR>till the time your eyes<BR>be forcibly closed<BR>on stone be etched<BR>"he lived his life whole" http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/21/michael Sun, 20 Mar 2005 14:52:59 -0000 gratitude for streets dimmed with fog<BR>neon bursting to hues<BR>I've neither hearth nor log<BR>silence a tomb imbues -<BR>my life of solitude<BR>welcome o joyous mirth<BR>but not on my doorstep<BR>on the day of birth<BR>devoid of chatter<BR>this abode of mine<BR>I have all but none which matter<BR>conversing with a bottle of wine http://effderck.multiply.com/journal/item/20/winter_in_heilbronn Sun, 20 Mar 2005 14:49:30 -0000